Hmmm... So much to say. Where to begin? Perhaps with a poem:

What does this mean
This ridiculous aching
For another unworthy
Why fall on the sword again
Time after time
Like some ancient confused samurai
Unsure of the battle or its outcome,
Yet desiring a noble death nonetheless

I find myself reduced
Subtracted. Diminished.
After so much fortifying…

But there is hope
A new day brings enlightenment
Existential contemplation leads to brick laying
And once again, the castle is erected
No one can stand against this new me...